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Friday, March 12, 2010

HEART TO HEART

Dear friend,

My burdened heart, is filled with one thousand and one confused thoughts.

Tiny bits, pieces and pieces; too many— may be just worries , or many sorrows; real pain that I have to bear.

This is from me to you, may be you would help:

For fifty years I have being trying to stand on my own and be a WOMAN of integrity, through out these years, I have tried many paths that always have one route.

Let me make it clearer.

If for fifty years I have tasted civilian rule, military rule, and back to civilian rule; then am just fifty, no change. I am still stunted and piling up numbers.

And for these fifty years those I have put in charge have one story to tell me:

First it was secession, and it was termed Biafra.

And then I heard Abiola race; the story that took away my first chance of having a real good election.

This went on…

After twenty- seven years dictatorship by the military regime, I didn’t know the twenty- three years of civilian rule will also amount to nothing… a silent dictatorship, more brutal than the former.

Well, Abacha left and I was ready to start anew.

With a man, whom I thought too good to carry on. But all I got after eight years was a third term and more confusion than there have been.

Again, a man was introduced to me, I was not ready to give up, at least not after he declared all he had.

I thought it was time to reap all that I have sowed, hmm, too bad.

This man dragged me slowly, and I thought I might turn cripple. He explained though, and said it was due process.

I tried to be patient.

You would think that the due process worked, but this is the story after three years of due process:

Seven pointless agenda

Insecurity; roads have become death traps for motorist and even robbers have capitalized on that.

Darkness is now a way of life, it does not matter anymore.

Just recently, I recorded another long strike for a man that was once a lecturer.

Do you think I just worry too much as a fifty year old? Or I should be patient till
I am sixty at least, or may be eighty?

Because right now, this man has not only disappeared for almost eighty days and back, he has returned on rechargeable chips to tell what to do, may be.

What do I do?

These are what bothers a fifty year old who is not better than a five year old, I am not sure anymore, may be I should just give up.

If a man that can barely shift on his bed says he wants to take care of a fifty year old, what hope do I have? I am not trying to be pessimistic, this is the truth.

Oh! I almost forgot; or is a jezebel trying to take over?

This is what this heart has been bearing for fifty years.

Just thought you should know, may be your prayers might work even when I don’t believe anymore.

Yours Sincerely
NIGERIA… good country, still hoping.





27years military, 23 years of civilian rule.