… Attempting poetry again. Inspiration

It doesn’t come from an amazing thought
One that wakes up your mind and conjures wisdom…
A stack of books could do, of people you admire
And hope to be better than
You see their works neatly tucked in the stack
You are charged by the a dying flame
Yet full of awakening smoke
You hope they would come alive
When you fan the embers
There is a will to break even
To find your books neatly tucked, too
And people hover around like bees in a honey comb
Inspiration…
There could be more buried in the array and the many things that your eyes have seen.

ONE TURN FOR THE NIGERIAN POLICE

WARNING! You are not about to read the regular facts and popular sayings… I advice you to read on.

It is not a wonder why an average Nigerian will never consider being a police as his future ambition. It is still no wonder that nursing this ambition might sound like an abomination and the God forbid! comes out faster than a spittle —he might be thought of as going crazy. It is a job of circumstance. Even though, truly and realistically, should be the most respectable and successful profession. For the most reason, at least; it is a life-saving job. Who knows? These wonders might be hiding under the minute government irregularities and the bad side that we have always known. Seriously, we really do not want to be poor all our lives and live under the dependence of twenty naira or wait for our reward in heaven. Do we? I warned you, read on!

The Nigerian police force, when mentioned always leaves a bad taste in the mouth. As with the case of the bad eggs in every profession, the case of the Nigerian police is finding the good eggs; they are as rare as the bad eggs in other professions. One wish that I had for Dr. Dora Akunyili’s rebranding was that it should be extended to the Nigerian police force not for the world to see, but for Nigerians to see, to have hope at least, not faith for the Nigerian police. That every Nigeria begin to see the white side of the Nigerian police force, which has always been a wonder to me; why the blackness of their uniform is attached to their image.

I have also wondered why the 20 naira seems like a big deal—mouth watering? Why they always come after and not during robbery operations and riots to catch the thieves and fighters? Why accidental discharge became the best phrase for their irresponsibility; something should be wrong somewhere…
I thought so too, when I read the story of a Police Corporal, Hope Adeleke, who lost his six children and wife in a fire accident and could not afford to pay a bill of 231,000 naira, this is the part of the story that struck me: that his two years salary cannot pay a bill of 231,000 naira! The first question I asked myself was, is his salary one naira or does he mean to say the bill is 2million naira. I came to a realizing conclusion… ‘come to think of it’; the Nigerian police force is suffering and suffering men will do no good, they will always cherish their 20 naira, they will always run for their lives, and will always accidentally discharge.

Again, I thought: there should be one turn for the police, one turn and things might change for them and for us. May be we should ask ourselves one question, the same question that I asked myself and it dawned on me—you know, the traditional way of expressing the extent of how bad things have gone—haba! That question is; will you blame this policeman if he gathers all the twenty naira in the world to pay his bills?

I am not patting them on the back, neither am I giving them a cup of ice cream. All I am saying is that if you pay a man that miserly a month and you expect him to save you? You might as well ask him to kill you first, what is his salary compared to what he is subjected to—to save our lives and protect our properties for that meagre some. Think about it too, yes even if they are recruits, another problem I have with our government, is that why they should be paid miserly? When you see these police recruits, they look like clowns, laughable—shabbily dressed; a sagging faded black drape, worn out shoes, and they lack that confidence you want to see in a policeman. Then you will begin to ask yourself, who will save who?

What of that if they are recruits? They have been enlisted, which means they should be prepared, trained and equipped… and well paid. But the policemen men I see around look like they have been picked not recruited and our lives are entrusted in the hands of picked men, what do we hope to get if not the torture of corruption, bribery (egunje), unnecessary and unwarranted arrests. With these picked men, we will continue to blame and call them names because they will continue to do these things ‘to make ends meet’ and I am afraid their ends will never meet because the meagre that they get will continue to stretch it.

One turn for the police and we might begin to see, and like Nigeria, they should be given a chance—a chance that is—their salary be raised, good benefits and be properly equipped with guns not ‘gun powder’ guns (or do we expect them to protect us, when their ‘competitors’ are carrying AK-47 and more?). Then we might begin to count their scores but until then, I do not wish to curse and swear, or to blame and fight. One turn for the police might just be enough.

THE ON- AIR PERSON!

‘I DON’T DEVELOP A SEPARATE PERSONALITY FOR THE RADIO’
… Wana Wana an interesting radio personality; of Inspiration FM (real name: Wana Udobang) shares an interesting part of her life and living with Wordzbelle…

The first time I listened to her on radio, I was not sure of what to make of Wana Wana, the plus-sized sexy presenter; simply gorgeous and ever smiling. But I was sure of one thing; that the deep rich voice that I listen to between the hours of five and six pm on inspiration fm from Monday to Friday is not just ‘some presenter’…

Wana Udobang is the last of five children; three older brothers and a sister.
she attended St. Leo’s Catholic school Ikeja, then Command Secondary School Ibadan.
she attended the University for the Creative Arts in Surrey in the UK, and she also has a first class degree in Journalism. Talking about herself is quite difficult but she says she is ‘pretty much the same person, I don’t develop a separate personality for the radio. I suppose my hyper side is amplified on air. I am also very simple, don’t like stress. Having a good time mostly entails being in great company and having great conversation. I am obsessed with music, theatre, photography and films. I’m a freelance writer.’

HER RADIO JOURNEY

Oh well, it started with an e-mail from her brother and his colleague who saw the advert in the newspaper and gave her the details. She applied and was told to come for an interview and audition when she decided to move back to Nigeria, which she did and as she puts it “ the rest is history”.

THE BUMPS ARE NOT SO EASY ON THE ROAD

Nothing is easy to come by, also, for a profession like radio; Wana Udobang says you have to constantly suppress your emotions. So even if your family member dies, once you are on air that isn’t allowed to come through, which really isn’t good for anyone’s mental health. One challenge that sucks… the fact that there is no public holiday; you know, having to constantly be on air for your favourite listeners.
Another challenge for Wana Wana is ‘the fact that your work is evaluated by your superiors as well as millions listening to you everyday and if you aren’t think skinned, it can take a toll on your self esteem. you constantly feel like you are being graded every time you open the mic. so yeah those are most of the challenges amongst other things’

And this, too…

‘oh also radio is badly paid and everyone gets the impression you have tones of money
but I always knew that, so I was always geared up for that.’

HER ON-AIR LOVE

This is the best part of her job; the opportunity to enlighten people and also be enlightened by listeners sharing their experiences with her!

ON LIFE AND LIVING

Wana Udobang believes a good attitude will do; treat people the way you would like to be treated and learning to be comfortable in your own skin.

FOR THE PRESENTER OUT THERE

Learn everything. Life doesn’t start and end on the microphone. The more skills you have, the better you get.

FIVE ‘WOWING’ FACTS ABOUT WANA WANA!
I am incredibly obsessive.

I have had the same best friends since I was 10years old!

I am someone that looks for deeper meaning to most things though, which can make me a little intense to hang out with.

I am more introspective though. I spend a lot of time by myself. I am quite moody but I try to hide that from most people.

I am very irritable.

IF TOMMORROW COMES

Such were his dreams. The reality of his future, the passion of his past, the force behind his ambition. They carry him to places before time, he sees the path before hand and he has decided to tread along the path of his destiny like a traveler. They call him Ware, the tall slender imposing figure with a straight face and large eyes. Ware is the son of his mother’s youth, people said he has fresh blood flowing in his veins; that is the reason for his intelligence. Ware spoke his first word at nine months, and wrote his first alphabet at two years. No doubt, he is going to be great. Although, some said he was possessed, no child ever does that, he should be flogged with an unused broom then, they would believe. Ware has been flogged three times, once after the prolonged illness that killed his father and people began to grumble; he is the son of the sea. Twice, when he predicted that his mother’s friend was going to get pregnant and give birth to a dead child and the third time, when he told his mother he was going to be ill for a week or two, and that was it. He had to be flogged to chase the evil spirit that still lurks around him, he is an evil child. That was the last time, Ware’s mother, Sisi, got tired of the black stripes that had scarred her son’s skin and relocated with him to Lagos.

Ware will never find out, the secrets of his childhood that his mother kept away from him; like an aborted pregnancy, it was gone, flushed out properly and would never return. No one in Oyadiran Estate would find out, Sisi had left her past in Sapele to start a new life for her son in Lagos. She wants Ware to grow normally without the spiritual scare that he was the son of the sea or a spirit child. She protected Ware from family members and friends, her son would be great; wise people had foretold: the sage that lives beside her father’s hut in the village, Atunu the oldest woman in Sapele and the diviner that told her Ware is tomorrow’s son. It is on this enigma that Sisi sits and sets her eyes on the mother of her son….

RSVP!

The magical realism that I see in this impending revolution or devolution in Nigeria, is something we have not even realized. I didn’t realize this too, until I reflected on this acronym; from its colloquial meaning: Rice and Stew Very Plenty, to its original meaning: Repondez S’il Vous Plait (please reply or respond), and to its election meaning: Register, Select, Vote and Protect. It dawned on me that everything, everything including the power to rig, bribe, or protect your vote is with YOU! No one else. … RSVP!

No doubt, this year’s election is showing some promise not because all the candidates have promised heaven on earth but because Nigerians are interested; especially the youths! In fact, we are the ones in charge. We have witnessed the primary elections, we have seen presidential and gubernatorial debates, and all that there is. Most of us are convinced and some of us are yet to be. still, a good number of us want to follow our hearts… no problem.

For some weeks now, it’s been everywhere; from those who want Goodluck, to those who want Ribadu and then those who want Buhari and those who want Goodluck but not PDP, to those who want ACN but not Ribadu and those who think Buhari doesn’t need to prove anything; He fought against indiscipline, thanks to him but leadership is more than that or to those who think Bakare should not use the religious or prophetic sentiment. And to those who think, ‘if you like vote they already know the winner’. For all of you, I have answers:

On Goodluck: do not look at his luck, x-ray his abilities, his achievements in office for almost a year now, look at his policies; the good, the bad and the ugly; yes look at them. And if after all these, you think he is worthy; you think he can bring that revolution that we seek. Forget PDP, forget hearsays and go for him.

On Ribadu: forget the EFCC stunts, more importantly; forget his traumatic days. It is not failure. Look out for those things that he did while in office, do you think he can rule Nigeria? You know he was the EFCC bravado. If after all these, you think Nigeria is on its road to greatness. Please vote for him.

On Buhari: thanks to him for the War Against Indiscipline, be critical. If you want Buhari, then go for him, forget the strategy of Bakare, Screen him; check his abilities, forget zoning. If Buhari is the leader we have been dreaming of, so be it.
On Goodluck PDP and Ribadu ACN, I will advise that you forget their parties and focus on the man who will lead. Or better still, on a lighter mood; when you think Goodluck, think ACN and when you think Ribadu, think PDP. It might just help.

On Bakare: give him a benefit of doubt, you think he can’t serve two masters at a time? But what if it is another calling. Screen him still, forget the religious stunt; focus on his personality. But hey, don’t use that against him, have you thought of the fact that this could be solving a problem of religious crises, when these two become one? You see.

For those who want to follow their hearts, I have stated earlier… no problem. Follow your heart after a good research and assessment, and you have come up with a good decision about the right candidate not after your pocket is filled with some candidate’s money. Or, you have been sweet talked into voting for their ‘man’, or you are judging by the good looks. It is your future, remember.

And for those who think they already know the winner: the answer is simple, it is because you have not taken a stand or you have decided not to. It is because you don’t want to vote or you have decided to throw your vote away because you careless. Whatever problem you cause because of your thought, I just hope you are ready in future.

Now back to RSVP: I meditated on its different meanings and the power is just with YOU! If you do the right thing and the ‘Rice and Stew’ becomes very plenty, you will get the reward of being filled and satisfied. If you respond or give the right reply, then revolution will come. And, if you Register, Select, Vote and Protect your vote ‘gidigba’, then revolution is on its way. That is the magic, it is with YOU, YOU and YOU. No one else. Nigerians should come to the realization that no European country was not built in a day, it started with one person who wanted to do the right thing, one person who stood his ground and everyone followed suite. Think about the revolutionary bravery of Martitn Luther King jnr and Nelson Mandela. It simply called commitment, integrity, passion for what is right. Nigeria can never be the same if you do your part, you can’t expect everybody to change at the same time, it could start from you. Please do your part and don’t bother if it will count or not…

One more thing I have to tell you about RSVP, take it or leave it: it is an oath, your national pledge. There are no two ways about the fantasies of European countries, it is integrity, it is passion, it is commitment, it is fighting for what is right, it is damning the consequences and doing what is right, it is flinging their money back at them and telling them ‘I know what I want’. If you want it then RSVP!

SHAPE UP

Civilization is fulfilling, and fashion? More fulfilling! When I reminisce some hundred, thousand years back, where our foremothers make do with natural textile; you know the green leaves thingie and later they moved on to animal skin. Fashion worked for them too, you know, because they moved on to tying wrappers around their chest and waist down to their knees. it didn’t matter at that time if they were slim or plus sized, or if they had the right and perfect colours on, no no no; it didn’t, as long as they were fertile: they remained the target audience to their husbands.

And in our 21st century? All thanks to fashion, still. Ladies needn’t walk around with green leaves on or bother about tiger and snake skins—no. Fashion has done us real good and the men look beyond fertility. We don’t just wear clothes because they cover us, we wear them because they enhance our beauty as well. But we also cannot wear these clothes without knowing our types of body shapes and what kind of dress will suite our different body shapes. This is why you are reading this… SHAPE UP.

FOUR BASIC TYPES OF FEMALE SHAPES

PEAR: Add volume to your shoulders and bust to create balance; Slenderize the appearance of beneath and move the observer’s eye to the face. To measure if you are pear shape, your hips must be two inches more than bust.

HEART: Slenderize the appearance of above. Move the observer’s eye to your face. To measure if you are heart shape, your bust must be two inches more than hips.

BOX: Create the optical illusion of an indentation at the waist. To measure if you are box shape, your hips must be eight inches less than waist.

HOUR-GLASS: Balance your top and bottom while showing off the your best assets; your waist! Your clothes should not knock off the natural proportion. The clothes industry creates clothing specifically for you. So the guideline is – not overdoing or exaggerating! To measure if you are hour-glass shape, your hips must be eight inches more than waist. Also, if your bust and hips are within 2 inches of each other, then you are either box or hour-glass.



… THEN WE HAVE THE RECENTLY ADDED:
SPOON: Show off the smallest part of your torso with an empire waist.

INVERTED TRIANGLE: Add volume to your lower half to balance your shoulders and create the illusion of curves.

OVAL: Structured jackets with flattering lines and just the right flare can help you create the waist you have always wanted.

DIAMOND: Balance your bottom with a flirty sleeved structured jacket.

Still on Shape up, you know, for the plus sizes, the mediums and slims. This will also enhance that perfect body shape; they are factors that affect optical illusion. Try it!
• For the plus sizes and the mediums, you can use dark colours to slenderize, and for the slims, use light colours to widen.
• For the plus sizes and the mediums, vertical and diagonal lines slenderize, and for the slims, horizontal lines widens.
• Finally, the larger the print, the greater the appearance. the thicker / richer the texture, the greater the appearance.

LAST WORDZ…
• You are unique, precious, valuable and irreplaceable. “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” – John Mason
• “I will treat you as I see you”
• “I always think that the best way to dress is when the person notices you first and the dress after.” – Oscar de la Renta.
Hmm! Shape up it is…

POEMS … BY AYO AKINFE

THE MERCHANT OF NNEWI
He sells his wares to young and old
Car spare parts all bright and bold
Boring and technical bits too
Down to even to very small screws

From sunrise to sunset he works
The merchant of Nnewi is a horse
He slaves away until dusk sets
Then slips away to his warm ofe

A man of modest means and ways
The Nnewi merchant does not spray
He eschews the owanbe path
Thinks nothing but about those cars

Into his trade his brothers come
With time they too become someone
As business grows they all expand
Nnewi alone produces such a man

No one can understand his ways
They know not how to break his trade
Both those from near and far away
Cannot breakthrough into the trade

Nnewi man travels far and wide
Taking his kiosk to every clime
No doubt his success is envied
But Nnewi merchant ignores enemies




AFRICANS DO POLYGAMY

Africans do polygamy
Like others too in southern seas
Unlike like their brethren of the north
They see more brides as a good cause

In times gone past a while ago
It was that way everywhere you go
But now monogamy is in vogue
Philandering has become a new ghost

Which of the two is best to be
Polygamy or monogamous infidelity
Are concubines more dignified
Than gathering brides as lawful wives

What do you daughters of Eve think
Given the choice which would you pick
To be a nice bit on the side
Or be indoors with all your pride

Are Xumas ways the rightful ones
Or do you find them pugnatious
Are men's hearts not big enough
To love their wives with more than lust

Has man departed from the path
By switching to a monogamous heart
Other mammals are still polygamous
Are we not too multi amorous


IT'S NOT ABOUT HANDBAGS AND GLOSS

It's not about handbags and gloss
Feminism's about a woman's loss
It should be about the cancer jinx
Ovarian type and the cervix

About maternal mortality
Child marriages in infancy
Providing girls good education
Ending reliance on male attention

Although liberation comes in too
They must be allowed who they choose
Not with an old man twice their age
But someone whose on the same page



I weep for Ngozis and Adas
Iyabos, Maryams and Halimats
They face near death at child birth
And then have to rear boys and girls

With little in the way of help
From these commissioners of health
They toil from dusk to dawn poor souls
Looking for ways to break the mould

Women in power are little use
For they do not suffer abuse
They do not share the pains we see
As they just enjoy the cash party


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ayo Akinfe, born in Salford, Manchester, is a London-based journalist who has worked as a magazine and newspaper editor for the last 20 years. Ayo attended Federal Government College Kaduna and obtained his first degree in history from the University of Ibadan. He returned to the UK in 1990 and did his post-graduate studies in journalism at the University of Westminster in London.

After working in journalism for 19 years, Ayo decided to switch to book writing after realising that there is simply too little out there on African history. Fuelling the Delta Fires is one of a series of novels aimed at highlighting Africa’s sorry plight and the misleading image peddled about her.

A big Wilbur Smith fan, Ayo plans to make his series about West Africa similar to what Wilbur has done in southern Africa. Ayo has read all of Wilbur’s 33 novels and believes what has been done there can be replicated in the West African sub-region.